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Entries for March, 2004
March 2, Tuesday, 5am. I am preparing myself for fishing. Today, I am in Balete, Batangas (a town at the side of taal lake) with my cousin. We are at my cousin's uncle's house. That moment, I am with Kuya Ryan (my cousin) together with Tito Dan (my cousin's uncle) at the backyard to search for earthworms. Yes, earthworms. It was still dark outside and very humid. A nice time to search for earthworms on those damp leaves on the ground, outside the house. It wasn't easy, though. We've only collected a few, and decided to search for more worms at the lake-side. It was 6am. The fishing rods are prepared. We got of with a car, going to the place where a river meets the lake. THEY said that it is easier to catch fish on that place. Me, Kuya Ryan, Tito Dan, Mark (Kuya Bobet's cousin), & Kuya Bobet (Tito Dan's son), are very eager to catch fish. At the lake-side, Kuya Ryan tought me how to use the fishing rod, and how to put the worms on the hooks. I learned very fast but there is one thing I learned that time... I suck at fishing. So what's our score? Kuya Bobet - 5 fishes Kuya Ryan - 0 (almost got 1, but it got away) Me - 0 Tito Dan - 0 Mark - 0 The funny thing here is, most of us are using those modern fishing rods. Kuya Bobet is using only a bamboo rod. lol. Another funny thing is, those 5 fishes are too small for a meal, so they decided to feed the chickens with our catch. ;_; Gone to the chickens... On the next day, a few hours before I go home, I went walking alone, at the lake-side. Then suddenly, something came into my mind... I took off my shirt and then went swimming on the lake. Alone. Nobody's around (which is dangerous). That was quite an experience. Too bad I forgot to bring a camera. |
(Usapang Bob Ong style, from "Ang paburitong libro ni Hudas) [O.O] - This lenten season, I am abstaining from Ragnarok. I will try to get rid of Ragnarok out of my system as long as I can. >:D - talaga lang ha? [O.O] - Oo talaga pramis. I got really more important things to do than that. >:D - So ano ginagawa mo ngayon? [O.O] - Thesis. >:D - So kamusta thesis? [O.O] - Umm... may malaking problema nga ko eh... >:D - Ano na naman yun? [O.O] - Nakalimutan ko na magprogram. ahehehe... >:D - Patay tayo nyan... I was babysitting this two Kids a while ago, until now. We went to Festival Supermall in Muntinlupa, and then when we got home, we played Monopoly, and then we went to a park to play. These are my cute cousins. Pure Batangeñas. from the left is Vivien, 13 years old. And on the right is Sarah, about 5 years old. These kids are very smart, and does great in school. I love my cousins on my mother's side.  It's nice to hear Dan Fogelberg's Leader of the Band . |
Minsan parang nakakasira ng ulo mag-isip ng solusyon sa problema mo, at di mo malaman kung san ka magsisimula. May mga pagkakataong gusto mo na mamatay dahil dito. Ewan ko. Haaay buhay... Pero alam mo rin na may paraan pa rin sa paglutas ng problema, at hindi sa pagpapakatiwakal. Yun nga lang, ang hirap. Pero ganyan talaga ang buhay, kailangang dumaan ka sa ganung hirap. Saan kaya ko magsisimula? Damn. There are I moments that I felt so lonely. I kinda miss my friends. |
It was noon. While eating our lunch with my Aunt Mely and my cousins, we remembered my grand father, and talked about how he lived and died. My aunt was telling us what he have said on the few last days of his life... There used to be a coconut tree standing in front of his house in Batangas. But when he was still younger (so do I), he used to climb on that tree. Me and my cousins love to drink coconut juice, especially with the coconut meat and brown sugar on it. Lolo was so happy when we visit him. My Gramps died a few years ago from cancer of some sort. He got bed-ridden. Got weak. My aunt brought him to a hospital, and even on an albularyo (a witch doctor) just to cure him. He was very weak, alright. But when we visit him, he always show himself like he never had any ailment. A neighbor was teasing him when we visit him, "Ayan na naman si Ka Bistre, lumalakas na naman!" (There goes Ka Bistre, getting stronger again). He doesn't show weakness when we are there. He was happy. One time he told aunt Mely that, "Ayoko pa mamatay. Marami pa ko gusto gawin para sa pamilya ko." (I still don't want to die. I still want to do more things for my family.) My aunt Mely just told him that he won't die, he's just sick and that's all. On moment that my aunt was telling that part of the story, I quietly and quickly got out of the group and pretended that I was getting drinking water from the fridge. The truth was, my eyes were getting teary -- of shame. Shame for myself. Grampa was 65 and I'm only 22. Gramps wanted to live longer. Longer enough to help his family. But what am I thinking? I am still young. Got lots of hope and opportunities out there. But I feel hopelessness and even thinking of suicide. I am going to hospital tomorrow for a check-up. |
I don't why. But yesterday, I've just learned lessons and encouragements from unexpecting people. Close friends who are younger than I am. Yet, maybe unknowingly, answered most of the questions that was clouding my mind. Funny. They always said that I am a great person for them. Are they only saying that to make me feel better? I don't know. But I felt their sincerity. Thank God I got people like them. |
