Last Saturday's PYM Prayer Party's topic was about being grateful for everything, even for the simplest and the worst of things.  Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?  I do.
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I was always telling everybody that I am possibly going to be fired (or to be forced to resign) one of these days.

Honestly, my client wasn't happy with my work. He would sometimes shout at me on the phone, or go straight to my superiors and tell them my flaws. Basically, we're not happy to work with each other. And that made me worry about my job.

Just last weekend, over a phone conversation, my boss was talking to my client. After that conversation, my boss went to me and said that I won't work with my client anymore. They've cut off their contract with us. But he gave me another work, with our company's own website. And probably he's going to give me another client in the near future.

I used to worry about this problem, but then again, I realized that worrying didn't lead me to anything good.
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Just last week, I got a raise! Yeah!  I'm already working for year Cheers!
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Last Saturday, my close friend, Tere, went here in Manila to visit me with some friends. We just went shopping in Megamall and go teasing and joking around.

It's a blessing to see Tere happy again. She just got over with her ex-boyfriend.

And also, I gave her a "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows", just as I promised.

I think It's now safe to tell about her story, since everything is fine now.

Last night just before I sleep, I have this sudden thoughts about a friend from District Youth Encounter, Ynna. This pretty young lady is one of the closest persons I met on that youth program.

I think it was last June, two months after Youth Encounter, through a text message, she admitted to me that she was pregnant. Her boyfriend is willing to marry her though she's afraid that her parents would be very furious about it, since she's only on her early 20's and their family is poor (and she's supposed to be helping them out.)

She asked me to pray for her. She was thinking of aborting the child. But I've been pursuing her to let the child live (and that time, I was already thinking to adopt the child, if she doesn't want to have it). Ynna is so confused that time, for she's so afraid of what her parents would react. I told her that, of course, parents will be naturally angry about that. But they will understand eventually.

 I kept praying for her ever since. I'm worried for both the mother and the child.

And last night, when I text her, she told me that she and her boyfriend already talked to her parents. And everything went well for them. And she's giving birth on November, same birthmonth as hers.

Everything went just as what I said it would be. They're still parents after all.

God bless, Ynna.

She's actually my aunt, my mom's cousin. But me and my cousins call her "Ate [â-tê]" because when we're still small, we thought that she's too young to be an aunt.

But last week, she died. She committed suicide. In a restroom. In the school where she teaches.

She was one of the brightest in our family. That's why I don't understand why she became weak on problem handling. Actually, the reason she killed herself was more of a social issue. And I don't want to talk about it. But frankly, for me, that was a  pretty lame reason to kill herself. Maybe it's on how she was brought up.

I'm worried about her children. A 10 year-old and a 4-year old. Their father have to work abroad for his family to survive. The children lives with their grandma. And grandma isn't that strong anymore to raise children. We, the extended family is giving them every help we can.

I'm more worried about the youngest child. I wonder how he will understand this tragedy. He doesn't have a bit of idea that his mom is already dead. Actually, at the wake, he was asking his grandma, "Lola, bakit ninyo po kinulong ang inay sa puting kahon? Hindi sya makakahinga!" 

I hope the children would bare all of these.

Last Sunday, I did a really good job on playing for a mass. Wala yung aking mentor, may work. At ako, kasama ang isang gitarista from Parish Youth Ministry, ay tumugtog. At in fairness, naka survive ako at maayos ang pagtugtog ko kahit papaano. Nakakatuwa lang hehe.
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Kanina kasi, sa pinaka huling misa sa araw ng Linggo Magsisimula na ang misa. Nagtataka ako kasi wala pa rin akong kasamang choir. Nagiisa ako. May dumating na isang youth, may dumating pang isang lalaki mula sa choir. Pero may sipon at ubo pa.

Nagsimula ang misa na ako at isang kakanta lamang (na may sakit pa) ang nanguna sa pagkanta.

At syempre, hindi maganda ang kinalabasan.

Pagkaraan ng ikalawang kanta, may isang "concerned" parishioner na lumapit at nag-abot ng sulat sa akin. Binasa ko: "Wag na lang kayo kumanta, you're out of tune." Something like that.

Kaya naman dali-dali kong pinapunta yung kasama ko upang hanapin ang ibang choir. Nasa meeting kasi.

Sa kabutihang palad, sinamahan ako ng 2 pang taga-youth. Kaso nawala ulit yung isa for some reason. Yung isang umalis kanina badtrip na, hindi na bumalik. Nainsulto ata dun sa nag comment.

Hindi na lang ako tumuloy sa pagtugtog. Umalis na rin ako. Nawalan na ko ng gana. At iyon ang pinakamalaking pagkakamali ko.

Nasa isang lugar ako sa viranda ng office ng simbahan, kasama ang isa pa. Naglabasan kami ng sama ng loob sa mga pangyayari. Pakiramdam kasi namin inabandona kami. Hindi ko alam na nakasakit na pala ako...

Pagkatapos ng misa, dumating yung isa pa sa lugar namin, umiiyak. Meron pang isang youth na kasma sya, nagsusumbong. Masama daw yung loob ng pari na nagmisa, nawala daw ang choir bigla. Inunahan na namin, nagsabi na kami agad sa Parish priest namin. Alam ko naman kasi na doon rin papunta yun. Hindi naman kami pinagalitan, pero sinabihan kami na kung sinimulan na namin, tapusin na namin. Marahil tama sya dun.

At eto pa, masama rin ang loob nung umiyak sa mga pangyayari. Marahil, masama rin ang loob nya sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako hihingi ng tawad sa kanya. Masama talaga ang ginawa kong pag abandona sa kanya. Nung una akala ko ako ang iniwan, pero nang-iwan rin pala ako. Ang sama talaga ng ginawa ko.

Lord, I was already thinking that I am not worthy of playing your songs...

Hindi ko alam kung makakabalik pa ako sa pagtugtog sa mga misa. Nahihiya na ako.


Hindi ko alam kung kailan na ulit ako magpapakita sa PYM. Hindi naman sa sinisisi ko sila sa mga pangyayari. Pero nalilito ako kung anong dapat kong maramdaman. O kung may dapat ba akong sisihin. Pero aaminin ko, masama ang loob ko sa mga pangyayari. Pakiramdam ko kanina iniwan ako. Galit ako sa sarili ko. Pati sarili ko sinisisi ko. Dahil sa akin, may nagalit sa grupo, kay Ate Jhet.

Ang sama ko...
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Sarah, sorry na. Alam ko ang naramdaman mo...

A few weeks ago, I bought a Pentax Optio M30 Digital camera using my officemate's credit card. 6 months to pay. Sobrang desperado lang kasi ako nung panahon na iyon, kasi sunud-sunod ang mga kaganapan. 7.1 Megapixels ang camera. Ang gusto kong camera kasi yung gumagamit ng Lithium rechargeable battery para di na ko bili ng bili, at earth-friendly pa. Pero aaminin ko, hindi ako ganun ka-impressed sa performance ng camera. Hindi sya ganun kaganda pang-kuha ng larawan sa madilim at mga gumagalaw na bagay.

Siguro baka bumili ako ng mas maayos na camera na pang photography talaga kapag nagkaroon ng pagkakataon (at pera).
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May laptop akong ginagamit ngayon. Hiram lang sa pinsan ko. Nabanggit ko kasi na kailangan ko ng isang computer na gagamitin ko pang record ng boses. Sa september na kasi ang 25th anniversary ng parokya namin, at magkakaroon ng mga bisitang pari, isa na si Cardinal Rosales.

Specs:
Model Asus M2400E
Pentium 4
2Ghz 256mb ram, 64mb shared video memory
40gb Harddisk

Marahil magtataka kayo, sobrang bait ata ng pinsan ko at pumayag magpahiram ng laptop. Eh paano ba naman kasi, binigyan sya ng company nya ng Mac notebook. Kaya ayun. At tsaka mabait naman talaga yun.

Paalis nga pala sya to Beijing para icover yung preparation ng Dept. of Tourism para sa kalahok ng Philippine team sa Beijing Olympics. Lapit na kasi ang Olympics.

Promotion. I was "kind of" promoted last week.

Our CEO asked me to be the "Head I.T. Personnel" or something like that. I'll be in charge of all of the office's computers, network administration, I.P. Phone systems and training of the new employees. Plus, since we've dropped my client recently, I was assigned to do a lighter work as a web developer by developing the company's own Internet store and the company's website. No pressure from clients.
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My boss closed a deal recently with a porn company. Yes, you heard it right. Porn. He was laughing while telling us about this. And he was asking me if I would like to do the website for that kind of thing. I answered, "Oh please! Not me..."

And he jokingly said, "I heard that you're working with a choir. Your priest would probably kick you out if he learned about this. You had worked on drugs, and now women."

FYI, my former client sells legal drugs on internet.

You know, that made me think about some things on my job. There's a conflict between my interests and the company's. Between morality and work.

I'm glad that there's somebody else who'll do that for me.
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