Just random thoughts...

I lost almost 3 pounds for the past 2 weeks. I think my diet & exercise is doing ok for me. And I'm proud of it .

Nagkasya bigla yung maong shorts ko na matagal ko nang di nasusuot lol.

Still fighting depression. Ang hirap grabe. I'm suffering for more than 4 months now.

Tinamaan nga ako dun sa sermon ng pari last Sunday Mass. He said,

"Many people today are living like zombies... They breathe, they walk, but they don't have a purpose. They lost the will to live."

I remembered those times when I was full of spirit and enthusiasm. Maybe I was still high from my past recollections and formations. But I guess everyone goes through this kind of ordeal. Right now I live not because I want to, just because my family needs me. But someday, and I hope soon, I wish that I would find more reasons to live.

I know, my Lord will find a way for me.

Nakakatawa na lang minsan kasi napansin ko, ibang-iba yung mga maskara ko pag nasa office, pag kasama ko ang mga kaibigan ko, o ang pamilya ko. Marahil ito na yung tinatawag nilang defense mechanism, ayaw kong makita nila ang kahinaan ko. Marahil kaya siguro hindi ko ma solusyunan ang personal kong problema, mahilig kasi ako magtago. Pero di ko na magawang maging open. Natatakot ako.

God Bless!

Been to places I don't usually go... in Greenbelt 5 & Rockwell... where the rich and the powerful usually roam. What was I doing there? Just looking for Havaianas. LOL. It's not for me, actually. Just doing a favor for somebody.

I've seen the Mach 5 inside the PowerPlant Mall.
And I've discovered some new neat stores around those malls. Maybe I could purchase an item or two.

Just recently, I've seen the Iron Man movie with my best friend Roy. We did a lot of catching up.

Well... ok. fine. I need help.

Tito Eddie. I have been with my Tito Eddie and his family for the past 2 weekends. Umuwi kasi from Jeddah, at namamasyal dito sa kamaynilaan. Actually, I had to *sort of* babysit his son, Luigi, while we roam around. Kasundong-kasundo ko kasi ang anak nya, mahilig kasi sa video games. We always go to arcades to play racing games. I also gave him some stuff on his new PSP too.

Last week, we went to see an ophthalmologist because Tito Ed had some problems on his right eye. I just hope everything will be ok.

Speaking of diet, days before that feast I was into, I've lost 3 more pounds since the last time I measured my weight. That's 6 pounds in 4 weeks. If I could lose 3 pounds (or more) every two weeks, I would probably get my target weight of 126-140 lbs by December -- So I could wear a nicely-fit Barong and look good on my cousin's wedding pictures. hehe.

Like what I mentioned before, one of the biggest problem of mine is about self-esteem. So I bought a book about that. Let me share something with you and I think it's doing good so far for me:

"To a large extent, how happy you are depends on your outlook on life. That's because happiness is a self-generated state of mind, not a mood that depends on having nice things happen to you."

So there. Just Like today, I have been practicing to control my mood and feel happy all the time. And I think I am doing fine for now. Although there are some not-so-nice events happen in work every time, I think I can manage.

What can I give to a girl who has everything?

As a parting gift, that is.

My weekend was great!

Sunday. I was invited by Elena to be her son's ninong in he's baptism at Binondo Chinese Church. How handsome the baby is! :3 Parang si Ninong ahohoho!

I was with Sephy and Yoj. They, too, are also godparents of the child.

The reception was held in a resto just near by the church. Too bad I got to stuffed so fast.

After the lunch, I let myself get lost in Binondo for a while. I roamed around to see what's up, then I went straight to 168 Mall in Divisoria.

Congrats, Elena

Pero ako rin, may bagong baby. hehehe...

Domo-kun! Ayan, kasama ko sya lagi sa office Dalawa na sila ni Poring.

That night, I attended PYM's Camper's Night. Yeah, yeah. Magulo ako, alam ko. Nasabi ko na na quit na ko sa PYM. Pero masaya naman akong makita ang mga dating mukha.

Minsan naiisip ko na lang na ayaw ko naman talaga umalis dun. Kaya ko lang siguro naisip ang bagay na yun dahil siguro talaga lang sobra ang depression ko. As in, naging cynical na ako sa mga tao sa paligid ko. Pero nanjan na, panindigan ko na lang kaya?

SEVEN pm last night, when I was just about to sleep late after playing with my Nintendo DS, my celphone rang. I was wondering who could that be. A close friend from PYM, whom I wrote a letter about my (sort of) "resignation" from the group.

I told her my problem. She was stopping me from leaving the group, and living elsewhere. In the letter, I told her that I am leaving for Antipolo in a few weeks, and also, about my depression problem. She is concerned that by living alone elsewhere might deepen the problem. I just explained that I just want to reflect for a while on what's happening with me, and living independently won't mean I am isolating myself.

I asked her to ignore what I wrote in there, that I want to leave them. Maybe, just maybe, I am just too sad while I was writing that letter.

I still love them. I can't deny it.

I just hope everything will be a-ok when I get there, in my new home.
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But you know, after that call, I felt a little relieved. At least, there was somebody who listened to me.

Two nights ago, the same night on my last entry, before I went to sleep, I was praying to God about my financial need. Binibilang ko kasi yung pera ko nung isang araw, mukhang di na aabot yung pera ko hanggang sa susunod sa suweldo. I'm not really that worried, but I just asked God to give me something so that I could provide for myself.

When I woke up to prepare myself for work, I noticed a laptop sitting in top of our dinner table. It's our neighbor cop's computer. He asked me to fix it for him. Of course, he will pay me for the service.

I got to work that night with a surprise. An officemate told that she will treat me for lunch because I help her out the day before. Of course, I just thankfully accepted it.

And yesterday, my beloved Tito Eddie asked me to shop with him this coming Saturday. All expenses are on him. hehehe.

Miracles.
Thank Lord.
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This is not the first  time a miracle like this happened to me. God bless you too.

Basta may nangyari kahapon na di maganda.

Galit na galit ako sa sarili ko.

Hinagis ko ang salamin ko sa isang pader at nabasag ito sa maliliit na piraso.

Ito ang unang beses na nakasira ako ng gamit dahil sa galit ko.

Kapag nagagalit ako, hindi ako nagwawala. Kinukulong ko lang ang emosyon ko. Oo, masarap sa pakiramdam nung inilabas ko ang nararamdaman ko. Pero parang may nawala sa pagkatao ko nung ginawa ko yun, bukod doon sa salamin na may sentimental value sa akin.

Sana, di na masundan pa yun.
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Pero sa totoo lang nalungkot talaga ako nung nabasag ko yun

I was on a mass in Greenbelt Chapel yesterday. In the sermon the priest shared he said, "A priest is never late." He added, one Sunday mass, he came several minutes after when the mass should be starting. A woman server approached him and smilingly told him,

"You're late, father."

"Really?"

He looks at his watch, and then he asked her, "Nagsimula na kayo?"

LOL
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May kinalaman yung answered prayers ko dun sa huling dalawang entries ko.